I would never let a man raise his hand at me and yet there I was. I was protecting my abuser. But I was also terrified of him. He took me home and was nice for a couple weeks. After his last incident, he came home with a phone for me. The next day, I immediately took pictures of my bruises while he was at work. I sent them to a friend and told him, “I know you’re a cop but please don’t say or do anything, but if I come up missing... or dead, you know what to do.” I would send him pictures and tell him about my attacks so he would be my voice if that day ever happened. I asked my abuser for a divorce a few days later... that was the worst mistake... he punched me so bad I fell to the ground and he continued beating me. I lost consciousness. I woke up having a seizure and realizing I had peed on myself. It took me a few minutes to regain my senses because I couldn’t see or hear. He freaked out and started crying and begged me not to leave him. I was so scared I told him I would stay.
That night, I just laid in bed hurting while he and his friends started drinking. He came back inside and started telling me how ugly and worthless I was and how I didn’t make a good wife because I couldn't take a few punches. He continued yelling at me about how he should just bring other girls home. I just started crying and told him to leave me alone. He was so drunk and mad that he got on top of me and kept trying to pull my clothes off. I tried to fight him off but I was still weak from earlier. He held me down and raped me. I felt like I was paralyzed. I screamed but he kept hitting me and holding me down harder. He would just laugh and say “I’m your husband so you give me sex when I want. This is not rape...” After it was done I just sat in the tub for hours.